We came to Marion seven years ago to receive an education. Period. We did not intend to stay here any longer than we had to. We didn't count on finding so many people that we care about and have invested in here in Marion either. But, both of our families live in northern Indiana, and we love them dearly. They live close enough to us that we feel like it almost teases us; the two hour distance isn't really very far, but we get tired of the frequent weekend trips back and forth and it seems that this will only get worse when we start having babies.
Though we were thinking that we would be staying in Marion for at least another year at this point, a potential job sort of jumped out at me recently. We told God to shut the door if it isn't right, if the timing is not His will. Of course we also mentioned to Him that we sure would like it to be His plan for me to get this job, and so if He could just open all doors along the way we would take that as an indication that He is on board with our plans and once and for all we can move back home!
Well, one month later... we still don't know the final outcome. The job interview has come and gone, and the way things have worked out (without going into all the crazy details), there's still about a 50/50 chance that I will get the job. "Hmmm.... couldn't You have just slammed the door shut or thrown it right open God? I don't remember asking for You to please leave the door halfways ajar so that our future continues to hang in the balance for months on end!"
I found myself particularly frustrated with God one day about two weeks ago. Up until this point I had thought that I could continue to assume that if, in the end, I get this job, God has given us the green light to pack up and leave town for home. After all, God is certainly big enough to shut the door and not give me this job if He wants us to stay in Marion longer I reasoned. Well this logic was suddenly shaken when one evening when Wes came home from his men's cell group meeting and declared that "We really need to pray about this. I'm not totally sure that you should take that job, even if you get it. We really need to make sure we do this in God's timing." WHAT??? This was not what I was wanting to hear, and I told God about it. "Fine God. But you are going to totally have to change my heart if that is what You want, because frankly, 20 people would be lined up behind me wanting this job and I'm not so sure I could make my mouth form the words 'no thank you' if they call me with the offer."
By now you can probably see that this circumstance has really helped me to grow in honesty with God. Besides, it's not like He doesn't already know how I feel, so why hide it from Him?
So I was ticked with God the whole next day. I realized I was being somewhat of a baby about the situation, but gosh darn it, I didn't care. That night, I laid in bed and starting praying, lamenting to God about how confused I was, how much I want to move home, how much I want this job, yet how I also want to honor Him and be in His will and serve Him where He wants me. "I just don't know what to do or what to think God!'
Suddenly, I felt a whisper in my spirit. "Daughter, you don't have to know. Just worship me. I'll take care of the details." Wow- I cannot tell you how those words struck such a deep chord in my heart and mind, but they did. I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW. I don't have to know! I, Chelsea Gorsuch, don't have to have it all worked out. I can live in freedom, loving and worshipping God right where I am, without "having it all together." Because God is good, He is sovereign, He is loving, He is wise, and I can trust in Him. I don't have to trust in myself or my own wisdom. What a relief off of my own shoulders!
As I sit here writing this today... I still don't have any answers. The way things are looking, I probably won't for at least another month from now. But, unlike before, I'm OK with that! I've still got work to do here in Marion, so does Wes, and so we just rest in the promise that "The Lord will work out His plans for my life-- For Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever." (Psalm 138: 8)
